Drowned
by dingodangodongodoo
Summary: Unable to sleep one night, Twilight remembers something from her past and begins to doubt the possibility of friendship


The rain thudded against the library roof. There was a leak, and some seeped in. Twilight closed her eyes tightly, trying to sleep, but no peace would come. Almost drowned out by the rain was the sound of Spike gently snoring, fast asleep, of course.

She sighed, and opened her eyes. The shadows formed twisted shapes that left her feeling slightly disturbed, for reasons she couldn't quite bring to mind. A memory stirred within her, just out of reach. What was it?

She felt a force outside of her drag her out of bed, and she padded down the stairs to the main room of the library. She didn't try to be quiet, for she knew that Spike could sleep through anything. The library was shrouded in darkness, and Twilight carefully manoeuvred herself to the door, and pushed it open. Before her the rain gushed and splashed, incessant, and something compelled her to step outside into the deluge.

Almost immediately she was soaked, but she barely even noticed. It's just water, she thought. There's nothing to be afraid of.

She walked aimlessly through the empty town, amid deserted streets and shuttered windows. The rain eased slightly, and the light of the moon grew clearer, as some clouds passed. There were no thoughts in her mind. She just pressed on, until she reached the lake that lay on the edge of Ponyville.

She sat down on her haunches, and gazed at the dark surface. The raindrops bounced off the surface, causing what almost looked like a thin layer of mist to appear just above the water.

He was sleeping, she thought suddenly. I remember. Why now?

She felt calm, but worried that she should be feeling something else. Her mane pressed against her forehead, sopping wet, and rainwater dripped down into her eyes. There were no tears. It was just the rain.

I'm not crying. It's the rain.

She remembered back when she had hatched Spike, the joy she had felt when Princess Celestia had made her her personal protégé. It had been the best day of her life, but suddenly she found she was responsible for this little baby dragon, a life in her hands. She had remembered nothing, but Spike had filled a hole in her heart. She didn't know what had left that hole, until now.

It wasn't her fault. That's what they said. Overhead the dark figures of the weather pegasi zipped across the sky, kicking away the clouds. The rain gradually dissipated, and then stopped. The lake was still. He was just a bandage that obscured the wound, that was all.

The surface of the lake was now still, and Twilight gazed at her reflection. The lake knows, she thought. She could see it in her eyes. She had never felt more alone. There was a soft thud beside her, and a flash of rainbow.

"Uh, Twilight? Were you sitting out in the rain?"

She looked up. Rainbow Dash landed beside her, looking at her in confused amusement.

"I was thinking," Twilight said distantly.

The Pegasus narrowed her eyes. "I'm sure you were, Twilight, but isn't it better to do that, you know, inside, out of the rain?"

Twilight was still soaking wet. Her tears were hidden. "You're my friend, aren't you, Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow Dash screwed up her nose and laughed. "What kind of a question is that? Of course I am."

Twilight nodded. "What if you're only friends with the version of me I present to the world? Just friends with a shadow, an illusion, a cruel trick? I wanted to learn about friendship, but how can anyone be my friend when there's so much they don't know about me? I remembered something that happened a long time ago, and it made me wonder, just how much of who we really are can be gleaned from our actions and words here, now? I once read about something called an iceberg; out at sea, there are giant blocks of floating ice with a little bit above the surface, but the vast majority underneath the water. You can't really know an iceberg just by looking at what's above the surface, so how can we really know the ponies around us, when they too are just icebergs? I don't know if true friendship is even possible anymore…"

Rainbow Dash took a step back and blinked. "Whoa, I guess you really have been thinking, huh? Well, um, I dunno what to tell you, but every pony has things they don't wanna share about themselves, but it's what you do here and now that counts…I guess?"

"Maybe. I just feel that if everything about me was laid bare, every little thought, every little action, then no pony would want to be my friend."

"That's ridiculous! Even if that were the case, a true friend should always be there, no matter what. Hay, I've got myself into some scrapes, and you and the others haven't abandoned me even when you could have done." Rainbow Dash shifted from one foot to another. "Anyway, I'm beat. Go back home, dry off and get some sleep. I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning."

Twilight smiled and nodded, and Rainbow Dash took off. Twilight gazed once again into the lake, and saw the eyes of a friend. We can never know other ponies as well as we know ourselves, but maybe that doesn't matter, she thought. Maybe those fleeting interactions can help take us away from ourselves, offer some respite. Is that what friendship is? Do we leave ourselves behind and dive into the lake, and surround ourselves with something, anything else? Friendship is magic because it allows us to step outside of our own minds and swim in the lake of other ponies minds. There's no magic more powerful than that.

She sighed, unconvinced. No, friendship is more than mere escapism. We pour our souls into it, and the true magic is how much we can invest in other ponies who we really know so little about. If just the surface can bring about such feelings, how rich must the iceberg be?

Maybe you need to plunge into the water to find out.

She smiled, feeling content, and walked back home.


End file.
